There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
