My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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