Don't you send me to vm
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
