I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
