I wish my penis had an off switch
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
