I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
