ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I love you. Go after that dick
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
