we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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