woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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