Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
