True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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