Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
