I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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