Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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