i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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