I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
