Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
