do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
