I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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