Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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