I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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