You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
