Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
