How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well I just put wine in my tea
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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