i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
