This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
