I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
