Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
