I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
