I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
