its not stalking. its research.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
