Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
