my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
