pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
