I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
