is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
