New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
