That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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