You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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