I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
