so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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