3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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