I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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