Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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