I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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