I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
