if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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