We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
