Swine flu. Run for my life!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
