My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Houston, we have a squirter
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
