Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
