U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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